


the unimaginable

by FabulousPotatoSister



Category: Doctor Who, Doctor Who (2005)
Genre: Angst, Character Death, F/M, M/M, Reader-Insert, Roleswap
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-03-25
Updated: 2020-03-25
Packaged: 2021-02-23 05:41:48
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,114
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23273170
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/FabulousPotatoSister/pseuds/FabulousPotatoSister
Summary: "Who was I?""...a friend."an extension ofunreachable moments
Relationships: The Doctor (Doctor Who)/Reader
Comments: 6
Kudos: 35





	the unimaginable

"What are you doing, lying down there?"

The Doctor hadn't expected his voice to startle you. You looked up at him from your spot on the floor. He watched as your eyes roamed over his form, scrutinizing him, picking him apart in the seconds it took for him to speak. He couldn't blame you. 

"Oh, just chilling," you said quietly. The light from the open TARDIS doors illuminated the contours of your face. "Not literally."

The Doctor laughed slightly. He was a stranger to you, but you could never be a stranger to him. "I can tell you, that is a terrible place to take a nap. Do you mind if I join you?"

You shook your head, and the Doctor laid down beside you. 

He had only blinked -

_"Doctor - Doctor, stop -"_

_The Doctor could not stop. Not when he had just broke the first promise he ever made to you - that he would_ **_protect you_ ** _, that he would_ **_keep you safe_ ** _-_

_"Doctor, you can't fix this-_

_"I have to_ **_try_ ** _," he ground out, pressing his hands and feeling warmth slip through them. Feeling_ **_you_ ** _slip through them. "Just let me try!"_

_"You can't fix me -"_

_The Doctor was not one to give up. He would call himself stubbornly stubborn if he could. And he wasn't going to give up on_ **_you_ ** _, his best friend, his companion, the first face his face ever saw.*_

_"Doctor!" your voice was high-pitched, almost like a wail, but you hadn't cried out yet. "Stop!"_

_The Doctor stopped his movements, fixing his gaze upon your face. You were in so much pain - and yet, you were smiling so brightly at him like nothing was wrong. Like he could blink and it would all be over._

_"You can't fix me," you echoed, weakly raising your eyes to the heavens. The Doctor followed your gaze but there was nothing there. "I'm - too far gone -"_

_"Don't_ **_say_ ** _that," the Doctor whispered. If he spoke, he would surely break into pieces and you wouldn't be there anymore to pick those pieces up. "Just let me help you-"_

_"You've already helped me. So much." The corners of your mouth, painted with red, curled into a small smile. "I'm trying to help you. Let me go."_

_The Doctor shook his head. He was shaking now, his cheeks wet and his throat closing in, the walls were closing in and he couldn't escape anymore. He couldn't run. You wouldn't let him run._

_"If - if I die while you try and save me you will blame yourself for it - forever," you breathed. "I don't want to become one of your ghosts, Doctor."_

_He wasn't thinking about that right now. That would be in his future, if he kept going long enough to see that future - a future without you in it. What mattered was right now -_

_"All of time and space -" You coughed, your teeth stained red and there was so much of it. "All of time and space. I never thought I'd see this, too."_

_"What?" Your death?"_

_You forced out another smile. "You crying over me."_

_You coughed again, your chest rising and falling irregularly, your mouth forming words that wouldn't come out. The Doctor had seen all of this before, so many times. He_ **_knew_ ** _._

_"Lay next to me," you murmured. The Doctor followed your instructions almost mindlessly. There was nothing he could do. There was nothing he could do that you would permit. "Pity I can't see the stars one last time."_

_"I could take you to them." Again, voice barely above a whisper. As if his words were the weapons that would finally destroy him. "I could show you the stars, one last time."_

_You hummed. It was so quiet, the Doctor nearly missed it. "N-no need. I've got - I've got the whole universe right here next to me."_

_Always the romantic. The Doctor couldn't help the smile that crept onto his face, despite the tears that blurred his vision and made you glow._

_"But w-will you listen to them for me?" Your voice was so very soft now. You were fading. "To the stars, I mean. Promise - promise me you'll find another dance partner."_

_They would not sound the same without you. "That'll be hard - there's only one you."_

_"You don't know that," you said, and he finally turned his head towards you. You, broken on the floor, your hair spread out in a halo below your head, slipping away by the minute. And it was all_ **_his fault_ ** _\- "But if you do find another me, let them go. Let me go."_

_"I don't want to." A desperate plea._

_One that fell on deaf ears._

Just a second in time. He blinked again and the vision was gone, the alarm bells and his tears and all the red just a memory.

"Who was I?"

"...A friend."

* * *

The Doctor stared at himself, at the woman with a face knew as the Master's - but dressed like him, acted like him, _was_ him. He stared at the version of himself who was holding your limp body in her arms, holding you close to herself. He almost felt how close you were to him.

"Doctor," he said, his eyes never leaving you, "I have some advice for you."

Your Doctor looked up, something burning behind her eyes that wasn't rage. She nodded. "Tell me."

The Doctor stayed silent for a moment. He expected you to get up from your sleep, all smiles and jokes, and come back to him, tell him it was all a joke and that you would never let him go. 

He couldn't say your name. All he could do was speak what was on his hearts and hope that your Doctor would understand his own words. 

"Cherish them," he whispered, finally, "every moment. Every single moment with them -"

Your Doctor had gone very still, adjusting her hold on you until your head rested comfortably on her shoulder. You looked so peaceful. It was almost funny. Both times he had said goodbye... you had looked the same. Wore the same, peaceful expression. 

He was right. You were a constant in his life. In every single one of his lives. Even the ones he didn't and would never live.

"Don't let them become one of your ghosts."

Your Doctor nodded, her lips pressed together into a thin line. The burning behind her eyes calmed into a flickering fire, then into nothingness. There was no pity there. Just the eyes of someone who _knew_. "I'm so, so sorry."

"It's alright," he said.

You were a constant he'd failed to maintain. He wouldn't make the same mistake again.

"It's time for me to let go."

  
  
  
  



End file.
